One Last Night

27 August 2011, original date of writing
Transcribed from my travel notebook

Tonight marks the last night I will be sleeping in my own room. There is a comfort here I fear will be sorely missed in the coming months. I am tired. So much packing, so much more to do, and no time to do it. As much as I'm relishing this last night here I'd give it up in an instant if it meant all this moving out business could be put behind me.

I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm crazy to attempt this. It's probably the fatigue getting to me, but tonight the task seems more daunting then ever. Have I lost it? I feel I have. The thrill of adventure aside, what kind of person sits down and seriously decides to give up the comfort of home to live precariously in different wooded spots inside the big city? Certainly no one sane. Maybe this is some way to procrastinate getting on with life and choosing a career. Since leaving the military I've been more or less directionless, and my answer is to... live outside? Oddly it does somehow feel like a solution. By moving outdoors I'm forcing myself to focus all my attention in adapting to a new, alien environment. Putting challenge into a life that had become way too complacent.

Perhaps I've just given up on the future. Society too. I hate to admit it but I think it's a big part of the puzzle as to why I'm doing this. Everyone seems to be fighting tooth and nail to get on top of a system that's on its way down. Sooner or later something will happen, life as we know it will change, and all that career advice will be for naught. I can't with good conscience spend the rest of my young life trying to fit into a system that's much more fragile than anyone will admit.

So I'm going to do my own thing here, career experts be damned.