Monday, September 19, 2011

"In Eleven Days I Will Be Homeless..."

20 August 2011, original date of writing
Transcribed from my travel notebook

In eleven days I will be homeless...
It's a difficult idea to grasp. As I make the final preparations to launch into the outdoors it still doesn't feel real, like I'm daydreaming about a life that will never come true. I'm guessing it's a feeling that will persist until I have a few real nights in the bush under my belt. I'm still extremely excited to get started though. I feel like I'm packing for a great adventure; putting the final touches on an expedition I've been planning for my entire life.

One thing I hadn't expected was the immense feeling of freedom that came when I got rid of most of the things I own. We've all heard the "you don't own your possessions, your possessions own you" fight club mantras, so often that they've become fairly cliche. Of course in our materialistic society they're words often said but widely ignored. Personally I always accepted the idea happiness is born internally, and knew that more things won't necessarily make you happy, but I never took it so far as to believe possessions could make you unhappy. Once I started getting rid of my things, however, even the items which I'd once loved and cherished, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Gone are the large flat screen HDTV, the Xbox, the dvds, the clothes I almost never wore... and I feel free. It's been such a profound experience I plan to devote a whole post to it once I get moved out and my new guerrilla life has stabilized somewhat.

Needless to say there is a part of me that worries this will all end up to be a terrible decision. I would not be human if I didn't have that awful doubt lurking in the back of my mind. However every great challenge in life comes with its share of fear, and my only recourse is to learn to embrace it. The fear and doubt are my opposition, they represent all that I must overcome to prove I have the strength to make it through this. They fuel my resolve to see this through and show the world that this can be feasible and rewarding.

The most threatening questions at the moment regard the logistics of what I'm about to do. Will I still be able to eat healthy without an oven or a full size fridge? Can I really fit everything I need in my car? Will this really work? What the hell am I going to do when winter comes??? Then there's the unforeseen challenges I will surely encounter along the way, the ghouls that wait for me in the darkness surrounding the future. These are things that can only be settled by time and experience.

"This is real" I tell myself, but once again I find it hard to accept. I hope to look back on this first writing someday and remember the moment with fondness. I'll read through my old journals and laugh about my past doubts, knowing by then that I had met and overcome them. I suppose we shall see. As I end this entry I am overflowing with feelings: I'm excited, I'm nervous with anticipation, I'm fearful of what lies ahead and I'm itching to begin. So here's to the future and to all of its perils.

I'll be seeing you on the other side.

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